When It Doesn’t Go Like You Want It To

On a recent mission trip I thought I found love. A really nice girl asked me out. We quickly fell in love and started talking about marriage. There were so many coincidences and blessings that seemed to make us both think this was a good idea. We seemed share almost everything in common in the ways of interests and passions, and quickly enjoyed things the other was into.

Three months later, I proposed and she said yes. I guess it was a reluctant yes, because 5 days later, she broke off the engagement.

Maybe the engagement showed us both where our hearts really were. Maybe I shouldn’t have been frustrated

I really don’t want to take this as a hit to my soul. I want to thrive and go forward, and truly be better at this thing called relationship. Part of me (a lot of me) wants to go back and do some things differently, but I simply can’t/ I pause for reflection, determine not to be heartbroken, and hope she is ok. I don’t think she so ok as she has blocked me from almost every form of communication. Apart from one olive branch/ apology for my wrongs message, I haven’t tried to do anything and don’t want to try and change her mind, though still feel if she did I would like to give it another try.

I was honestly trying, yet also failing, at fully hearing her. Was I really that bad? There were so many positives, and I thought growth. Yes there was growth. I can’t believe it was only one person’s fault, and truly don’t want to place any blame on either of us. Was it just a lack of communication or was there a deeper lack that neither of us could fill?

I choose to be better from this, and hope that she can be too. I feel in a lot of ways she wasn’t as strong or as confident as me, I hope she doesn’t take the failure of the relationship as a disappointment, but as an opportunity for growth. I wish both of us were more sanctified, less caught up with our wants and worries. I wish we could both sit down and open talk about what it was really like and just be friends, if nothing more. I think it will come, but it probably won’t be soon. She’s about to head to almost the furthest away on the planet. It’s not as bad as it sounds. We were going to be going there together.

I choose to be positive, hope for the best, and wish for her best. Above all, I stay in faith that God loves us both and things will work out.

I hope this song reaches you someday, friend, and your heart can rest in the Father’s love for you. Sorry again for where I messed up


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